Angelica Audrey
When rejection becomes our truth for a finite time, redirection can reframe ourselves into a new perspective. Turning something harmful and damaging into something positive can bring different outcomes. In these past few years, I have learned the importance of remaining patient and being steadfast during the storm, embodying faith over fear and the beauty of slowing down.
Rejection’s number one goal is to reveal our insecurities. I believed that every “no” was because I was not good enough nor trying hard enough. Each rejection planted doubts in my mind and made my self-worth plummet. It took a while for me to see the light at the end of the tunnel and realise that those “no’s” were sent by God for a purpose. Someone once told me that the one who wins is the one we feed the most. I asked myself: Have I been feeding my insecurities, or have I been feeding my grace and confidence?
Last year, I was rejected at the 2022 Jessup oralist audition. Being an oralist has always been my dream as a mooter. The rejection at that time hit me hard as I had competed in the 2021 Philip C. Jessup ILMCC as a researcher with hopes of becoming an oralist in the coming year. Following the reoccurrence of distressing episodes, I was more than ready to give up. However, it took a while for me to figure out that God had granted my wish in a different form, a better one. God kept His promise to have me as an oralist, though not for Jessup.
In the next month, I was offered a bigger position as the team captain and main drafter for the 2022 International Criminal Court MCC team. God’s plan planted me in a perfect place, and everything worked out in due time. But my mind was in such complete tunnel vision that I failed to realise that I had been redirected to another door of opportunity. When fear interferes with faith, it was hard for me as a team captain to take a leap and cling to God’s promise as I free-fall into the unknown.
This year was UNPAR’s first time competing in the ICC moot. Unlike Jessup or Vis, we only had a blank canvas for ICC. Uncertainty was the utmost challenge that the team had to overcome. To illustrate how clueless we were, we still needed to figure out the difference between Pre-Trial Chamber and Trial Chamber during our first month. But this did not deter the team’s spirit from working harder and relentlessly digging deeper for knowledge. With our limited background in international criminal law, we dove into the tandem knowing God’s promises would be our parachute, ultimately rescuing us from our tail-spinning thoughts and plummeting confidence.
When the oral rounds came rolling around, we were ecstatic to learn that every bit of our legal basis and argument was on the right track! Those 8 months of gruelling hard work and commitment did not betray us. We are glad to have had our student coaches, faculty advisors, external advisor, alumni and foreign counsel’s tremendous support and guidance throughout the competition. Now that we have finished the race, it pleases my heart to see each of my team members flourish and grow their skills extraordinarily. This proves that amidst our doubt and fear, God always provides and has been there for us since the beginning of our journey. At the end of the competition, I look back fondly on the opportunities that led me to lead my ICC team and learn from the coaches.
This long journey made me realise that redirection is uncomfortable as it requires us to say yes to something we do not have a blueprint for and embrace walking in faith. My story reminds me of the story of the Israelites who were on the border of Canaan, waiting for reports to enter God’s Promised Land. The spies came back intimidated by the people within the fortified city and spread fear about giants, dissuading the Israelites from entering. The Israelites did not believe in God’s promise and faith, and chose to fear the unknown, even when Joshua and Caleb, two of the spies, told them they could defeat the giants. As a result, God delayed their entry and made them wandered and died in the desert over the next 40 years, when it should have taken them only 11-day to enter the Promised Land. Like the Israelites, I spent 40 years in the wilderness trying to make an 11-day trip. This is because I did not see the bigger role in ICC with eyes of faith, but eyes of fear. I had lost my calling to be faithful and fulfil my personal responsibility in response to His ability.
When rejection becomes perfectly timed, it forces us to look at our situations through a clearer lens. While rejection is painful, its purpose is planned and leads us to bigger and better things. The world around us expands and our perspective becomes more apparent when we see rejection as an ability to reassess and use it for redirection purposes. Rejection can create new doors with more opportunities. It was hard for me to come to terms with rejection, and only when I had accepted it, was I given the chance to prosper. Despite my flaws, it was precisely what I should have done early.
Those painful experiences help us grow and teach us integrity, resilience, strength, and grace. Rejection allows us to reassess our abilities so that we become more acquainted with different parts of ourselves. In the end, His ways are always better than ours. Take comfort from God’s truth and sovereignty, which redirects our path to accomplish His ends. Because our new direction—born from rejection—points us toward a new calling with a bigger purpose.
Angelica Audrey is a final-year law student at the Law Faculty of Universitas Katolik Parahyangan and a member of the Parahyangan International Law Society. She competed in the 2021 Philip C. Jessup Moot Court Competition and was the first UNPAR delegate to compete in the 2022 International Criminal Court Moot Court Competition. Her 2021 Jessup team achieved the Hardy C. Dillard Award for the 17th Best Combined Memorials in the world, and her 2022 ICC team was positioned as the 34th highest team in the final team ranking.